In order to know where you’re going, you have to know where you’ve come from. This then, is my origin story:
Sister Krissy Fiction was born from the tears of a god, although nobody is quite sure which one. Since it is a theological truth that glitter is eternal, it’s not a surprise that one day that particular god got a tiny speck of glitter in his (or her?) eye, which caused one single tear to flow down her (or his?) cheek. From that tear, a nunling was born.
Seeing the newborn clown nun the god’s tear had created, the deity bestowed on her a mission to bring glitter, joy, and radical acceptance wherever she went. However, the lingering glitter also caused the god to sneeze, which caught the newborn and expelled her down to the physical realm of earth, where Krissy landed with a thud in Livermore, California.
The force of the impact erased all memory of her true origin. Lost and confused, she was taken in by a family of fundamentalist tent revivalists and, forgetting her mission, settled down in San Antonio, Texas, where she got married and became the pastor of the First Lutheran Church of Jaysus.
One night, she had a dream that led her away from the life she had started and followed a voice beckoning her to the Pacific Northwest. For days on end she followed the voice, travelling 2,400 miles until she finally came to Portland, Oregon and the banks of the Willamette River. Overwhelmed with exhaustion, she fell into the river and drowned. Her body was discovered by a roving band of transdykes, muscles bears, and drag queens. As they hovered over her, imploring the local spirits to intervene, some glitter from one of the drag queens floated down and landed on Krissy’s nose. Immediately, her eyes opened and she began to remember the voice which called her to the City of Roses. She recognized it as the voice of Portlandia, the goddess of Portland, who had been calling her true name.
Donning her veil and white face, Sister Krissy Fiction, the nun that got nailed, regained full knowledge of her life’s mission of promulgating omniversal joy and expatiating stigmatic guilt. On that fateful day, Krissy regained her powers and continues to this day to service the community with glitter, joy, and radical acceptance.